Acceptance
Disclosure is already done
Everyone on NotAboutSize understands the niche before they sign up. No 'how do I bring it up?' anxiety, no swiping with dread — you can finally focus on connection.
A body-positive dating community
Small Penis Dating Built On Acceptance, Not Apology
NotAboutSize is the discreet, modern home for small penis dating in the United States. Everyone here already gets it — no awkward reveal, no size queening, no shame. Just adults meeting adults who like what they like.
Email only. Photos optional. Delete in one click.
The short version
- What it is: A specialty dating site for men with smaller-than-average size and the partners who genuinely prefer or are neutral about it.
- Who it’s for: Straight, gay, bisexual, and transgender adults 18+ across the United States.
- Why it works: The disclosure is built in. You can finally lead with personality, not anxiety.
- What it costs: Free signup, no credit card. Premium chat from $3–$15/month.
Why we exist
Why size matters dating feels different here
Mainstream apps were built around a single, unspoken assumption: bigger equals better. NotAboutSize starts from a more honest place — that attraction is about chemistry, kindness, and confidence, and that research consistently shows size is far down the list of what makes intimacy good.
Inclusivity
All genders, all orientations
Straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, non-binary — the door is open. Our member base spans body-confident women, size-affirming men, and queer adults who’d rather skip mainstream noise.
Discretion
Built for privacy from day one
Email-only signup. Optional photos with blur controls. One-click account deletion. Your search for a partner shouldn’t become anyone else’s data set.
How it works
From sign-up to first chat in three calm steps
We modeled the flow on what real members told us they wanted: speed, control, and zero pressure to over-share. You can lurk, browse, or message at your own pace.
Verify your email
Tell us your age (18+), the city you’d like to meet someone in, and the genders you’re open to. That’s it — no card, no phone number, no awkward questionnaires.
Build a profile you’re proud of
Add a few sentences about who you are, what you’re looking for, and a photo if you choose. Photos can stay blurred until both sides unlock them. Skip anything that feels too personal — it’s all optional.
Match, message, meet
Filter by location, interests, age, and orientation. Send a private chat when someone catches your attention. Move offline whenever it feels right. See the full walkthrough.
Categories
Explore every corner of our specialty dating community
NotAboutSize isn’t one room — it’s five. Each category is shaped around a different reason people join us, with profiles, filters, and chat rooms tuned for that intent. Wander between them freely.
Kink-positive
Small Penis Fetish
A consent-first space for SPH dynamics, size-difference play, and like-minded partners who find smaller genuinely hot. Clear norms, real moderation.
Visit the fetish space
Identity
Small Penis Men
Profiles, success stories, and community for men of every orientation who want to date without disclosure anxiety. Body-confidence resources baked in.
See profiles for men
Intimacy
Small Penis Sex
Comfort-focused intimacy: technique over inches, anatomy-friendly framing for sensitivity and vaginismus, position guides, and partners who value how, not how much.
Explore intimate matches
Community
Small Penis Club
A members’ club feel with local meetups, moderated forums, and tiered perks. Search local singles near me, attend body-positive events, and find your people.
Join the club
Conversation
Small Penis Chat
Private rooms, group spaces, photo blur controls, and AI moderation that catches the bad actors fast. The chat-first way to meet, without exposing your everyday inbox.
Start chatting
Reading room
The NotAboutSize Blog
Research-backed answers on disclosure anxiety, body confidence for men, what women and men really find attractive, and the truth about size from peer-reviewed studies.
Read the blog
The data
The numbers that quiet the noise
If you grew up believing size was the whole game, the research tells a different story. These are the citation-ready facts we keep coming back to.
5.1"
Average erect length
Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 2020 meta-analysis
80%+
Of people with vulvas can’t orgasm from penetration alone
Men’s Health, citing 2018 study
85%
Of women report being satisfied with their partner’s size
PLOS ONE study, summarized by UCLA
<2 min
Average NotAboutSize signup time
Internal product data, 2026
Curious how researchers actually measured these things? Read our deep dive: does size really matter?
Member stories
Real members, real connections
We change names and ages with permission and never publish photos that could re-identify anyone. These are the words our community sent us — lightly edited for length.
It’s far better to date online with strangers, and even better on a dedicated site where everyone knows in advance. The pressure I’d been carrying for years just… lifted.
I’m a body-positive woman who’s tired of the locker-room energy on mainstream apps. NotAboutSize was the first place a guy didn’t apologize before our second date.
As a trans guy, mainstream apps were exhausting. The vibe here is curious and kind. I’ve had three good dates and one really good one.
My partner and I both joined separately. We matched after a week. Two years on, we’re engaged. The site did its job and then politely got out of the way.
Why choose us
Discreet, verified, and refreshingly human
Specialty dating sites live or die on trust. We earned ours the slow way — transparent moderation, real humans in the loop, and a refusal to pad member counts with bots.
Verified members, real people
Every new profile passes email verification plus a lightweight photo or behavior check before they can message you. Reports are reviewed by humans within 24 hours.
100% discreet by design
Use a separate email if you want. Blur every photo until you decide to unlock it. We never publish your activity to search engines or sell data to advertisers.
Secure passwords and sessions
Modern hashing, optional two-factor login, automatic session expiry on shared devices, and a one-click delete that actually erases — no shadow archives.
Body-positive by default
Shame-based language gets removed. Size-queening, harassment, and unsolicited demands are reportable offenses. The norms protect everyone, including the partners who like the niche.
Inclusive, by promise
Built for straight, gay, bisexual, and transgender adults. Pronoun fields, orientation filters, and partner-preference settings work the way they should — flexibly.
Free signup, fair pricing
Free browsing and matching. Premium chat features run $3–$15/month, no annual lock-in. Cancel from your dashboard in two clicks, refund within 14 days if it’s not for you.
Body positivity
Confidence is the most attractive thing you own
Here’s the thing about attraction: it isn’t a measurement. Confidence plays a starring role in sexual satisfaction for both partners. Men who feel good about their bodies tend to be more present, more communicative, and more attentive during sex — and those qualities reliably matter more than a fraction of an inch.
The shape of your tricep or the firmness of your thigh might reel a guy in — but it surely won’t keep him around. Character does that. Care does that. Showing up does that. — The NotAboutSize philosophy, adapted from body-positive author Robyn
This is the same idea, applied to anatomy: physical size doesn’t sustain attraction or love. Curiosity, generosity, and self-acceptance do. The members who thrive here aren’t the ones with the “perfect” profile photo. They’re the ones who let themselves be seen without apology.
If you’ve spent years rehearsing how to disclose, dodging locker rooms, or letting disclosure anxiety quietly cancel your dating life, you already know the cost. Our community exists so that cost stops getting paid. Read our guide on disclosure anxiety or our long-form on building body confidence as a man for the practical work that goes alongside the dating.
Compare
How NotAboutSize compares to mainstream dating apps
Mainstream apps weren’t designed with this audience in mind. Here’s where the difference shows up in everyday use.
| Feature | Mainstream dating apps | NotAboutSize |
|---|---|---|
| Audience already accepts smaller size | No — disclosure falls on you | Yes — built into the niche |
| Body-positive moderation | Inconsistent, depends on user reports | Active, with size-shaming as a reportable offense |
| Photo blur and unlock controls | Limited or premium-only | Included free, both sides choose |
| Inclusive of gay, bi, trans members | Mixed — many trans users report feeling unwelcome | Yes — orientation and identity filters by design |
| Signup data required | Phone number, often social login | Email only, age, location, gender |
| One-click account deletion | Often buried in settings | Visible in your dashboard |
| Monthly cost for full chat | $15–$45/month typical | $3–$15/month, refundable |
For a deeper breakdown, see is online dating worth it for niche audiences?
Questions, answered
Frequently asked questions about small penis dating
If we missed yours, our full FAQ page goes deeper.
What is small penis dating?
Small penis dating is a niche dating category that connects men with smaller-than-average size to partners who already prefer, accept, or are neutral about it. The core proposition: remove disclosure anxiety, because everyone on the platform understands the niche before they sign up.
What does queen size mean in dating?
“Queen size” in dating refers to a partner — most often a woman — who specifically prefers men with smaller penises, sometimes within an SPH (small penis humiliation) or size-difference kink context. On NotAboutSize, queening dynamics are welcome inside the Small Penis Fetish space with explicit consent norms, while the rest of the site is purely affirming.
How do I find singles in my area?
After signup, set your location and a search radius (5 to 100 miles). The app shows local singles near you, filtered by age, gender, and interests. Local meetups appear inside the Small Penis Club when at least 25 verified members are within driving distance of one another.
What is the 3-6-9 rule in dating?
The 3-6-9 rule is a popular dating concept that suggests checking in on the health of a new relationship at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, and 9 weeks — small milestones to evaluate communication, compatibility, and growing trust before committing further. It’s an informal guideline, not a hard rule, and works just as well on niche sites as on mainstream ones.
Is NotAboutSize free to use?
Yes. Signup, profile creation, browsing, and matching are 100% free with no credit card required. Premium chat features — unlimited messaging, advanced filters, and read receipts — start at $3/month, billed monthly, refundable for 14 days.
Who is welcome on NotAboutSize?
Any adult 18+ in the United States who supports the body-positive, consent-first ethos. We welcome straight, gay, bisexual, and transgender members — including women who genuinely prefer smaller partners, men of any orientation looking to date without disclosure anxiety, and non-binary adults seeking inclusive spaces.
How does NotAboutSize protect my privacy?
We require only email, age, location, and gender to register. Photos are optional and can stay blurred until you and a match both choose to unlock them. We never sell user data, never publish profiles to search engines, and you can delete your account in one click from your dashboard.
Does size really matter in dating and intimacy?
Research suggests it matters far less than culture implies. A 2020 meta-analysis pegged average erect length at 5.1–5.5 inches, and Men’s Health reports that 80%+ of people with vulvas can’t orgasm from penetration alone — meaning clitoral stimulation, technique, and emotional connection drive satisfaction far more than length. Our research roundup has the full citations.